THE NAKED ANIMAL

I had a festive birthday celebration at Casita del Campo, a cheesy and fun LA Mexican restaurant with a huge rubber tree growing in the middle of the main room–we got a table in a cozy room with a fireplace; someone called it a Lion in Winter table. We drank a few pitchers of margaritas, ate a bushel of chips and a ton of gooey food, then attempted to go dancing–everyone pooped out early except for my friend Jon, who I left ripping up the dance floor around midnight. It was a nice night to turn forty. There’s always a heat wave around my birthday, no matter where in the world I happen to be, and this weekend is no exception: I love that run of 80-degree days in the middle of the winter that LA always blesses us with.

All my best buds were there (well, almost–hope to see the rest on Sunday), and thanks to Lynnie, Doug, Robin, Cort and Greg, I have now hit the $300 mark on my way to a goal of $1000 for my artistic roller skating fund. Thanks, guys! Don’t get left out–donate now! No minimum! Funny, I’d been in a foul mood for weeks just before turning forty, but the actual event changed my mood completely. It was also very cozy and uplifting to be around such wonderful friends. This birthday, I actually do feel different, the way one usually doesn’t despite the party or whatever other event takes place. Yup, I feel different. I can’t describe it exactly, but it has something to do with an apprehension of a greater depth. And then there’s the fact that it simply made me happy to enter a new decade, as if it meant anything–but I like new things and even the smallest signifier can give me a new outlook on life.

And decade-turnings are great signifiers. My friend Robin reminded me of a scene exactly ten years ago when I walked into the laundry room while she was folding (we lived in the same apartment building at the time) and said, “I can’t believe I just turned thirty.” We marveled at the fact that we’d known each other that long, and I did some more marveling over the fact that I’d known several of the people at that table much longer. It was a real treat, and it made me feel definitively the benefits of having moved through an always greater deal of time on this planet. I do feel I’m learning my lessons and appreciating the things I have rather than ruing the things I don’t have.

And then there’s the part of me that spent all day prior to my party moping around the house feeling completely worthless–I’m 40 and I can barely pay my rent!–and berating myself for not sitting down and writing rather than moping around the house. Don’t you just love the Catch-22 of negative thought-pattern cycles? I spent about four hours wallowing in the feeling that I was a completely unviable human being, and then...I don’t know, really. I decided to work out and do yoga, so I did that, and then I had to get ready, and then, there I was drinking margaritas with all my friends under a very flattering wash of pink light.

Time just goes like that, doesn’t it? And when you decide to go along with it, it’s really no big deal. It’s the idea of resisting it, or trying to stop it, that always makes it more painful. I don’t know–maybe I’m the only person who routinely wishes that time would simply stop: I’ve always wanted everything to stop, everywhere, for everyone, for 24 hours. I don’t know why, really. As one gets older it seems that time starts to gallop ever faster towards its climax. Or is time really passing faster now? These are the kinds of questions I mull today, as I enter a new decade ready to unfurl my wings again after a long period of restoration.

Categories: aging, friends, skating, celebrations