Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Self therapy: anger excavation
Hello, good to see you. How do you feel today?
Angry.
So what else is new? And what are we angry about today?
How about everything?
How about being more specific?
Okay, I can sum it up for you in fifteen words or less: I'm angry because the world is not the way I want it to be.
How old are you? Ever heard of a thing called reality? Giving up childhood illusions and all that?
What, so my anger is not even a valid emotion?
No, I'm not saying that. It's valid. It's just not useful, at least in its raw state.
Okay, I know what's coming next. You're going to tell me to transform it, to perform some sort of emotional alchemy on myself, right?
Something like that.
But why am I not allowed simply to express it?
How would you do that--express your anger in its true state?
Don't think I haven't thought about it. I've had visions of terrorism, but of the non-violent sort. You know what I'd really like to do? Strip naked, stand in the middle of the intersection of Hollywood and Highland and let my body convulse at will while screaming my head off till my voice gives out.
Well, I'm sure you'd be carried off and shot up with thorazine before you reached that point.
Yeah, I'm sure. But at least I will have done it.
And what will you have done, exactly? What will you have accomplished?
Release.
But you've released and released and still you find ever more anger to be released. What would it take, in fact, to release it all?
I don't know. Perhaps it's a matter of who witnesses it.
Why do you need others to witness your anger? Do you think they're somehow culpable in its long, ineluctable fomentation?
No, it's mine. It's my anger, I guess. I'm not angry, really, at anyone out there. I've forgiven all the people I've been angry at in my life.
Then do you think anger is useful to share?
I guess I do. To let others know that their own anger is nothing to be ashamed of.
Do you think everyone is as angry as you are?
How could they not be?
Some people might say, "How could you not be happy?"
Crazy people.
And they might think you're crazy, too.
Okay, I understand about different viewpoints. But I still think everyone really is angry deep down inside, if over nothing else but being a spirit trapped in a physical body. Don't you agree that it's often unbearably frustrating, not to be able to make your body do what your spirit wants it to do? Like fly and such? How could anyone not be angry about the way our physical reality works when our spirits are so much more expansive?
What about the way your life works? Isn't that the only thing you're really angry about?
God damn you, yes, I suppose it is. I love the world in fact. The only thing I hate is my own inability to traverse its inherent obstacle course with any ease whatsoever. Wait a minute. No. I AM angry at the powers that be. What is wrong with that? What is wrong with being angry about fanatics and bigots running the world into oblivion? What is wrong with being angry about a population that is so glamorized and transfixed by its own culture that it can't see beyond the spotlight? What's wrong with being angry for all those people who are too sick and tired and downtrodden even to afford the luxury of being angry? What's wrong with being angry about the fact that there's so much unecessary pain in the world, and that I seem to feel all of it, all the time.
Nothing, as long as you don't turn it upon yourself in some destructive way.
But then how DO I express it if I can't be a crazy naked screamer?
I don't know. Like this, perhaps.
Like what, sitting around talking about it?
What's wrong with that?
Nothing, I guess, but I'm still angry.
So, do you think you can do something useful with that anger, or do you think you would have an easier time simply releasing it?
Is that even possible? We've already talked about release.
I'm not talking about screaming and yelling and punching pillows. I'm talking about true release.
Again, is that possible?
I'm sure of it.
But who would I be without my anger?
So you use it as a security blanket.
I guess I do. But it's no longer cogent to my purpose.
And what might that be?
Healing.
Can you see yourself healing your anger, maybe even helping others to heal their anger, or even healing the immense wounds of anger that keep the world at war?
So now we're talking not about transforming or expressing, but about healing? I don't really know what it would mean to heal one's anger.
Then maybe you're not ready for it. In fact, maybe we all need to get just a little bit ANGRIER before we're really willing to do something about it.
No, I'm ready to get over it. In fact, I AM over it. Well, I think I am. Still, I wonder what to do about it. All the things I'm angry about. I think about how I might use my anger to change things all the time, but I can't think straight because I'm too angry.
It's really all a matter of focus, isn't it?
Something else I think about all the time, but can't seem to nurture into reality.
Well, think about it some more, then, but not too hard (and not too soft), or it'll escape your grasp...and we'll continue this conversation during our next session.
Sank you, Doktor!
Categories: healing, emotions, transformation
Angry.
So what else is new? And what are we angry about today?
How about everything?
How about being more specific?
Okay, I can sum it up for you in fifteen words or less: I'm angry because the world is not the way I want it to be.
How old are you? Ever heard of a thing called reality? Giving up childhood illusions and all that?
What, so my anger is not even a valid emotion?
No, I'm not saying that. It's valid. It's just not useful, at least in its raw state.
Okay, I know what's coming next. You're going to tell me to transform it, to perform some sort of emotional alchemy on myself, right?
Something like that.
But why am I not allowed simply to express it?
How would you do that--express your anger in its true state?
Don't think I haven't thought about it. I've had visions of terrorism, but of the non-violent sort. You know what I'd really like to do? Strip naked, stand in the middle of the intersection of Hollywood and Highland and let my body convulse at will while screaming my head off till my voice gives out.
Well, I'm sure you'd be carried off and shot up with thorazine before you reached that point.
Yeah, I'm sure. But at least I will have done it.
And what will you have done, exactly? What will you have accomplished?
Release.
But you've released and released and still you find ever more anger to be released. What would it take, in fact, to release it all?
I don't know. Perhaps it's a matter of who witnesses it.
Why do you need others to witness your anger? Do you think they're somehow culpable in its long, ineluctable fomentation?
No, it's mine. It's my anger, I guess. I'm not angry, really, at anyone out there. I've forgiven all the people I've been angry at in my life.
Then do you think anger is useful to share?
I guess I do. To let others know that their own anger is nothing to be ashamed of.
Do you think everyone is as angry as you are?
How could they not be?
Some people might say, "How could you not be happy?"
Crazy people.
And they might think you're crazy, too.
Okay, I understand about different viewpoints. But I still think everyone really is angry deep down inside, if over nothing else but being a spirit trapped in a physical body. Don't you agree that it's often unbearably frustrating, not to be able to make your body do what your spirit wants it to do? Like fly and such? How could anyone not be angry about the way our physical reality works when our spirits are so much more expansive?
What about the way your life works? Isn't that the only thing you're really angry about?
God damn you, yes, I suppose it is. I love the world in fact. The only thing I hate is my own inability to traverse its inherent obstacle course with any ease whatsoever. Wait a minute. No. I AM angry at the powers that be. What is wrong with that? What is wrong with being angry about fanatics and bigots running the world into oblivion? What is wrong with being angry about a population that is so glamorized and transfixed by its own culture that it can't see beyond the spotlight? What's wrong with being angry for all those people who are too sick and tired and downtrodden even to afford the luxury of being angry? What's wrong with being angry about the fact that there's so much unecessary pain in the world, and that I seem to feel all of it, all the time.
Nothing, as long as you don't turn it upon yourself in some destructive way.
But then how DO I express it if I can't be a crazy naked screamer?
I don't know. Like this, perhaps.
Like what, sitting around talking about it?
What's wrong with that?
Nothing, I guess, but I'm still angry.
So, do you think you can do something useful with that anger, or do you think you would have an easier time simply releasing it?
Is that even possible? We've already talked about release.
I'm not talking about screaming and yelling and punching pillows. I'm talking about true release.
Again, is that possible?
I'm sure of it.
But who would I be without my anger?
So you use it as a security blanket.
I guess I do. But it's no longer cogent to my purpose.
And what might that be?
Healing.
Can you see yourself healing your anger, maybe even helping others to heal their anger, or even healing the immense wounds of anger that keep the world at war?
So now we're talking not about transforming or expressing, but about healing? I don't really know what it would mean to heal one's anger.
Then maybe you're not ready for it. In fact, maybe we all need to get just a little bit ANGRIER before we're really willing to do something about it.
No, I'm ready to get over it. In fact, I AM over it. Well, I think I am. Still, I wonder what to do about it. All the things I'm angry about. I think about how I might use my anger to change things all the time, but I can't think straight because I'm too angry.
It's really all a matter of focus, isn't it?
Something else I think about all the time, but can't seem to nurture into reality.
Well, think about it some more, then, but not too hard (and not too soft), or it'll escape your grasp...and we'll continue this conversation during our next session.
Sank you, Doktor!
Categories: healing, emotions, transformation
